Her own decision

This week, I offer a song sung by Alison Kraus, one of my favorite musicians. It's called The Scarlet Tide; she sang it for the movie Cold Mountain. The link to a video with the music and lyrics is below.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kwl08VdIeFs

Several years ago, I found this song and couldn't stop playing it. As I learned the lyrics, I began to weep toward the end of the first verse and through the second verse...every time, without fail. Here are those lyrics:

...Man has no choice when he wants everything.

We'll rise above the scarlet tide,
That trickles down through the mountain
And separates the widow from the bride

Man goes beyond his own decision,
Gets caught up in the mechanism
Of swindlers who act like kings
And brokers who break everything
The dark of night was swiftly fading,
Close to the dawn of day
Why would I want him just to lose him again?

We'll rise above the scarlet tide,
That trickles down through the mountain
And separates the widow from the bride.

Why does a song about war make me weep? Well, obvious reasons aside (war not good!), I heard this song at a time in my life when I was learning that I had "intuition"...a little voice inside of me, gently prodding and calling me to a healthy, self-loving, full life. As I discovered that such a voice existed, I also began to recognize the "mechanisms" outside of myself, which serve something - I'm not sure exactly what - but definitely not me. For me, these were/are social expectations, religious expectations, career expectations, how to be a good mother, good friend , good person, good blah blah blah. Things that act upon me. Things that propel me in particular directions and that on the surface seem "right." I found myself going in these directions and I found my soul compromised and my physical body exhausted. Could it be that the things which we "should" do are not always healthy for us?

This song painted a vivid picture for me of the not always conscious choices we make because we are caught up in the tide of... well, what is your tide? In this song, the tide was war, and a man's disregard of his "own decision," because he was caught up in the mechanism of whatever social tides were at work for war, resulted in a scarlet tide...in death and sorrow for his loved ones. He listened to the "shoulds" rather than the little voice within himself. Didn't work out so well for him or for his loved ones.

I wept when I realized that my resistance to some of the "shoulds" in my life was not a reflection of a bad, weak or irresponsible person. On the contrary, that resistance often came from a stronger, more loving version of myself who recognized healthy conditions when she saw them. I could count on myself, in a sense, if I could get to that voice to guide me, rather than the tides that compelled me or told me the "right" thing to do. I felt freed. I was grateful.

I guess my point is that there are so many things we "should" do and we "kill" ourselves doing them. Maybe we don't have to. Maybe peace, sanity, serenity are within us already as a loving voice guiding, supporting, prodding, leading us through our very full lives. Maybe we only need to lend an ear. Maybe taking a moment alone and apart is the most loving thing we can do for our loved ones.

So I offer this three minute song. May its beauty be a balm to our souls, washing over us in a stolen moment. Given three minutes at a time over time, our little voices within just might become loud enough for us to hear over the din of the tides.